I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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