i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
