3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
