You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
