Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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