we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
