you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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