I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
