We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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