I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
being pregnant is like rehab
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
