Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
