Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
