she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
