1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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