Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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