If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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