if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
