So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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