So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
