Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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