The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
