No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
