So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
