im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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