This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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