Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mom said you looked used
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
