I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
