And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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