How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
