Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
