Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
