Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
