i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
