yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
