if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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