The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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