I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
