We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize