i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
