From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
