i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
