my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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