OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
