I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize