:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
