first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You've changed since you got that strap on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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