I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
