I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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