I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
