I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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