the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
