Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
