there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
