I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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