Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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