Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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