i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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