If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
