I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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