stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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