"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
