just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
