chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
