I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
