Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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