This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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