Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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