I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
