I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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