can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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