Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
