You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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