And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize