I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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