Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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