why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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