ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
