Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
