Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
