I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
