What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
